"Patience is bitter but it's fruit is sweet" -Aristotle
Mothers Day or Father's Day as a step parent is always hard. There is question about whether you will be acknowledged, whether or not your commitment is seen, whether or not the biological parent will be involved and how to approach the awkward day altogether. For me every year it's like, "I made it! Another Mothers Day here and gone".
In a lot of situations, step parents get all of the criticism and none of the credit. I remember for me, I would be the one to take the kids to the doctor but yet I wasn't authorized to access their health insurance so I'd come up short. I was the one who managed the kids' academics and sacrificed my time, yet I was blamed if a signature was overlooked or an assignment had gone missing. It's very difficult being the one who assumes all the responsibility and yet gets all of the backlash when something small comes up. It can be a brutal position to be in and somehow failures seem to outshine accomplishments when it comes to step-parenting.
The solace in putting in the time and doing the work is that it does eventually pay off if you stick with it. Not with every child or in every situation, but in most cases there will eventually be some recognition. As I'm seeing, after the kids leave the home.
My step son has been away to college for a year and there is a complete shift in our relationship. He calls me to let me know about his accomplishments. He includes me in most things he shares with his dad and he seems to appreciate things so much more than he did when he lived at home. We have certainly had our ups and downs but the transformation has been reassuring and I feel that despite any adolescent issues we faced, I did help to mold him into the well rounded individual that he is today. That is definite growth and a reminder that the time I put in to establish our family was worth the heart aches that came along with it or the shortcomings we face as a blended family.
It's like that good old fashioned quote:
So, for all you step parents out there... YOU are making it! Progress is in action as we speak.
I also want to take a brief moment to say that for all the women who have miscarried, this is your day too! At one time there was a dream and a life inside of you and though be it hard, on this day you are a mother too! Take heart.
Speaking of miscarriages, I am passed the safety point with my pregnancy! Baby heart beat is strong, lab work is great and my appetite is up. I'm now 11 weeks today.
The baby is the size of a lime, moving a lot (though I can't feel it) and all of its bodily functions are in effect. The baby is digesting food, urinates, sucks it's thumb, kicks, smells, and can do most other essential things we all do. Toothbuds have formed and if the baby is a boy, he is already producing testosterone. If the baby is a girl, she is already creating eggs that will one day become her own child! Fascinating stuff!
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Thank you for reading everyone and I'll be in touch soon!
With the divorce rate at 50%, that means many blended marriages and "step" children to follow..Someone needs to voice this! It's tough! Nitty gritty! Hardcore and without exception of blame! This blog is to not just inform but solidify how difficult, awkward and how severe the power struggle can be as a "step-parent"