We are now about three years into this infertility madness! As you hopefully read from the previous blog I wrote, we are adopting!
Im just mind blown how much I have learned through this process. I’ve pretty much been through it all at this point:
-ectopic pregnancy ✅
-emergency surgery due to ruptured ectopic ✅
-another ectopic ✅
-IVF=chunk of change(success)
-HELLP syndrome with no choice but to deliver my son at 24 weeks gestation ✅ (which equals preeclamptic complications
-Death of our infant angel ✅
-Got a surrogate who’s embryo transfer failed and cost us another huge chunk of change ✅
-Did another round of IVF personally, but sadly the embryo was not ideal quality = failure to implant ✅
-Now Adoption ✅
It’s been one heeeelllll of a roller coaster; Painful, tiring, stressful, chaotic, expensive and traumatising. Losing our son Everest is still a bone chilling, mind numbing reality in our lives. It is true what Dr Phil says about that kind of loss: “Time does not heal wounds. It’s what you do in that time that heals”.
Well, I’ll be the first to say that going from leaving the hospital without a baby and a post partum body, to post partum depression, to an attempt at surrogacy, and then another attempt at IVF, there is NO manual on how to manage your emotions. It’s not easy and the strength it requires can be exhausting. So, for all the women out there struggling with fertility, which statistically is 1/10 women in the nation, you’re not alone and the chaos, the fears and the unknown is normal!
So now here we are. No more shots. No more meds. No more negotiating with a surrogate and worrying about her wellbeing. No more potentially fatal ectopic pregnancies. We are happy to be navigating new waters... except for the fact that it’s insanely complicated! Just read on:
See that folder above? Well that folder is a joke compared to the 3 inch one we have now! This adoption has cost us more than the worth of both our cars combined! Not to mention our lives have been gone through with a fine toothed comb. There are so many rules, regulations, local laws, national laws, state laws, negotiations, and decisions to make such as: Am I willing to adopt a baby with drug exposure? Am I willing to adopt a special needs child? Am I willing to adopt from a birth mother in prison? Am I willing to have an open adoption? Semi-open? It’s mind boggling! Oh, and try to do all of this while you have a full time job, plus two pre-teens at home & attempting to write a book! (Stay tuned on that)
In addition to all these questions, you are required to submit yourself to an FBI background check, state background check, child abuse and neglect check, finger printing, a home study with a social worker, proof of income... Let’s just put it this way: it was 10x easier and cost effective to buy our house than struggle our way through this new journey of adoption! With all of the misconceptions, rules and birthmothers with preferences, whether under the influence or not, it’s MESSY! Its a roller coaster! One day you get good news, the next day you’re down in the dumps. For me, the scariest part is the silence and the wait. Not hearing anything for more than two days is torture! You go through a lot of emotions but it primarily goes like this:
Not even joking!! Sorry for the long thread of pictures but that is seriously how it feels. We are uneasy, then relieved, then worried, then thrilled! It’s horrifying and exciting at the same time.
So we can’t fill you in on much but we can say this: we officially have a consultant, we are signed and represented by an agency and it LOOKS like we will be adopting from Arizona 👶🏻
We are super excited about our baby shower next month and it’s been a good distraction while we wait! One might ask, “Baby shower? How? You don’t have a baby yet or an idea of the gender”. Well, that’s a reasonable question but why shouldn’t we celebrate? Why shouldn’t we get all the perks as though we were biologically having a child? If anything, we should be celebrating even MORE than a traditional pregnancy because it took such a HUGE toll financially and emotionally to get where we are at! Plus, you could get a “stork drop” or “baby birth” at any moment. What does that mean? You get a call saying, “There’s a baby here at _________ hospital. Check out the profile and decide if you want him/her?” So in any situation, adoptive parents need to be prepared! We want to share our joy with everyone and the baby shower is the perfect occasion!
So, that’s all for now folks! We have a lot of things going on behind the scenes, under wraps, until things finalize. Until then... let the suspense build!
As always, RIP Everest Valor. We miss you every day baby boy. Watch over us and be our guiding light.
With the divorce rate at 50%, that means many blended marriages and "step" children to follow..Someone needs to voice this! It's tough! Nitty gritty! Hardcore and without exception of blame! This blog is to not just inform but solidify how difficult, awkward and how severe the power struggle can be as a "step-parent"