"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Today I am supposed to be nine weeks pregnant. I went in for my ultrasound and as I suspected (due to bleeding) there was nothing on the ultrasound. In my case though, this is not indicative of a miscarriage. In fact, what it means is that I am going through one of the most life threatening things that can happen to one during pregnancy: an ectopic.
What that means is that the embryo indeed exists, and is growing-but in the wrong place. In the Fallopian tube, to be exact.
If anyone has been through this, you know what it is like. Your hcg levels look pretty good, your breasts are sore, you're glowing and bloated but your uterus is a ghost town.
I know this better than anybody else because this is not my first ectopic, but my second in less than 10 months! I could probably write the next book called "what to expect when having an ectopic".
The kicker is that ectopics only happen in 2% of pregnancies and they're primarily caused by either smoking, having an IUD or an std and I have had none of the above. So this is very discouraging! I drink smoothies daily, I manage my stress alright and I have been on prenatal vitamins for awhile now. So why is this happening to me? Why has this sealed my fate?
Well I am on my way now to get a round of chemo therapy which will terminate my pregnancy. The little scramp in my tube fighting for his life will ascend into heaven and I will bleed for the coming weeks. While it is sad, I am hopeful.
This doesn't really have anything to do with being a step parent except that as a step parent who has adopted four kids-one who is even my age-I can only speculate what God is preparing me for. I am definitely ready, financially stable, familiar with all of the projectile bodily functions that happen with children and most of all, the patience that it takes. So what is it that God is waiting for?
If there are any other step parents out there going through something similar, my message to you is don't give up! Where there is a will, there is a way! It may not have been the path you would have chosen. It may not be ideal, but with today's advances in medicine and your adamant perseverance, you will have your baby in your arms to seal your family crest.
That's what I see for my future. I adore my kids and would do anything for them but I would absolutely love to have something between just my husband and I that we don't have to share with anyone else. No one can intervene, take it away or minimize our happiness in this affair. It's an adventure that solely we will appreciate on the level we will and something we have worked extremely hard to achieve. I can't wait to see my husbands features mixed with mine and watch that little child grow into a brother or sister that all the kids will come to enjoy. It will be a blessing, a miracle and worth waiting for.
Until we start IVF, the best thing for me to do-and you if in my position, whether it's miscarriage or infertility-practice the virtue of loving yourself. Do not become bitter with the responsibility of caring for another's children. Do not compete with the ex spouse who you cannot control or change. Find a way to use this time to prepare for your future, find beauty in the process and be proud of yourself for the strength you didn't know you had!
This is probably the hardest thing to do in the world. Be a parent without the perks and put your body through the process of total deflation trying to have a baby. But I already see the benefits miles ahead and I know that this process is preparing me for the beautiful life that is ahead.
Well, I'm walking in to the cancer center now. Wish me luck!
I guess it's a not-so-happy Halloween 👺👻
With the divorce rate at 50%, that means many blended marriages and "step" children to follow..Someone needs to voice this! It's tough! Nitty gritty! Hardcore and without exception of blame! This blog is to not just inform but solidify how difficult, awkward and how severe the power struggle can be as a "step-parent"