First of all, on a total side note, when you are singing "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" all day long, you are DEFINITELY a parent! Lol
So, tonight my husband and I had plans to go out for a dinner date...primarily to converse about the next phase of our business. We are expanding. Upon leaving and kissing the kids goodnight, while making sure they had brushed their teeth and selected their dog to sleep with (Yes, it's a nightly drill), my daughters face was flushed. I knew the look and I knew the anguish.
Immediately, I sat down onto her bed.
Me: "What's wrong?! Did something happen?"
Her: (in hysterics) "No, I'm fine."
Me: "No you're not. Do you need to cry it out and then tell me?"
Her: (chin quivering) Yes.
She cried for about ten minutes, chest pounding and then finally somber.
Me: "Can you tell me now what's wrong? This is a safe place. I don't judge you. I won't ever stop loving you. Just say it and cry."
Well, long story short, something very small and very insignificant to others hurt her feelings earlier in the evening. She felt unwanted and made fun of by a small gesture made that meant no harm. Reason being is that she is an old, sensitive soul and again, it goes back to the abandonment issues. It always does.
Eventually, after many tears, I got back into my yoga pants and sports bra, and we decided to have our business meeting from home. My husband asked me if this was a good idea, caving into her emotions and letting her have her way, as if to get attention. He meant nothing by it but speculated. I told him that this is the very best and ONLY option as far as I'm concerned-to STAY. I was that little girl. I held back my tears and I will NOT allow that to be her childhood.
So, now I'm downstairs waiting for a helpless cry from her, in case she needs me. I'm staying awake as long as I can in case her little heart needs a hug and that's the most important thing to me right now: meeting her emotional needs.
So, so many people think kids need electronics and distractions and $500 birthday parties to be happy but that is so off base. I wish I could sit every one of those parents down and tell them the HEART of the matter.
Truth is, all they need is to know that you're there, through sickness and health, and they can TRUST you with their feelings.
I'm honored she comes to me. I could never, EVER, judge her or any of the kids. It doesn't mean there won't be consequences or guidance, but I will not make them feel inferior for putting their faith in me as their mom.
That goes for all four of my kids and my message to you is feel honored, as parents, when they come to you. Blessed that they trust you with their flaws and insecurities. Be gentle when they need healing and calm when they are in duress. Don't be a pal, but be a confidant. It's such a privilege and you will just KNOW that you're doing something right.
With the divorce rate at 50%, that means many blended marriages and "step" children to follow..Someone needs to voice this! It's tough! Nitty gritty! Hardcore and without exception of blame! This blog is to not just inform but solidify how difficult, awkward and how severe the power struggle can be as a "step-parent"