11/16/2016 6 Comments What to expect wHen Not expectingWhat to expect when NOT expecting:
So ya, I am still pregnant. Technically. Breasts tender. Cravings. Yes! But expecting a positive outcome...? No. The photo above is my step daughter and thankfully during this time, I feel she appreciates what I'm doing for her. How it hurts. How I feel god has forsaken me. How much more giving do I have to be before I basically just "give up" on His plan. I am at tears right now. I've been planning this baby shower with a heavy but generous heart and it turned out lovely! How could it not? I'm practically pretending it's my shower. The details. The food, the eloquence and grace of a shower I would imagine as my own. First, let it be known that I am so happy to be in this role and I do not resent it. But secondly, let it be known that this is heartbreaking to me. I'm currently seeing, physically, my third child's fetus leave my body as I urinate and I cry. My breasts are still tender, food cravings still strong. Yet I have to be strong. Why? My step kids. They deserve it. With a biological mother who is nowhere to be found, I am the solution. I'll protect them and in "some way" suffice. Will it pay off? Only God knows. I hope they know none of this was for selfish gain because I know what it is to be the lost child. Forgotten. And unwanted. Will they understand? Hmm. Maybe? Dare I say this. They are not my step kids. They are MY CHILDREN. I would lead them into battle. Strike my sword. They DESERVE the utmost protection and love that only Christ can give. I only hope I can render a glimpse of that. Maybe one day.
6 Comments
Bonnie Saad
11/16/2016 08:39:43 pm
Heart wrenching but beautifully written. None of us knows God's plan for us... but...praying he will bring you peace & comfort while you wait for your outcome. The children will know of the love you have showered on them.
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Doreen Davis
11/16/2016 09:03:09 pm
Taylor,
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Penny Williams
11/16/2016 09:18:55 pm
Tay, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I am really proud of you and I am still believing in you and in your baby. I love you so much.
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Hi Taylor!!
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Kristine
11/17/2016 04:02:46 am
How incredibly brave of you to share this. I wish that there was something I could do, or words that I could say to make this better for you and everyone. in a MUCH different way I have experienced the difficulty of the "why did this happen" question. and while our situations are not the same, they are similar and please know that the plan doesn't always present itself in a way that you will understand, however, in time, the mud starts to clear and little by little some things start to make sense. while they will never fully make sense, and you'll always question, have faith. faith is huge, it will help you overcome anything. i have watched you step in for these kids (and Joe :) and I am always in awe. You have done an amazing job, and continue to make the lives of these sweet children great! have faith dear friend, you can do this! hugs!
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Elaine
11/17/2016 03:03:09 pm
She is coming. This I know. xo
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AuthorWith the divorce rate at 50%, that means many blended marriages and "step" children to follow..Someone needs to voice this! It's tough! Nitty gritty! Hardcore and without exception of blame! This blog is to not just inform but solidify how difficult, awkward and how severe the power struggle can be as a "step-parent" Archives
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